Perhaps you’ve heard or maybe even said one of these things before in a dysregulated moment.

“The kids are out of control.”

“They don’t belong in the classroom if they can’t behave.” 

“We had to restrain him for hitting us.” 

“He throws a chair when he is angry.” 

“The kids are disrespectful now.” 

“Parents aren’t parenting anymore.”

These sentiments are common among educators, whether heard in real life or seen on social media. Such remarks reflect the frustration and challenges many teachers voice with classroom behavior.

However, I don’t believe the kids have changed all that much. Instead, educators are experiencing burnout from an oppressive system and are becoming dysregulated themselves. This combination of impacted students and stressed educators creates a recipe for disaster.

Social-emotional learning (SEL) offers a solution that benefits everyone. By supporting educators in implementing SEL, we can help them better support their students and foster their own resilience. When teachers have the tools to manage their emotions and help students do the same, the classroom environment improves for everyone.

Social emotional learning (SEL) is a foundational support system that helps students acquire essential skills to access their education successfully. SEL targets five main competencies: self-regulation, social awareness, self-awareness (self-reflection), responsible decision-making or problem-solving, and healthy relationship skills. There is a common misconception that children naturally acquire these skills as they grow up. In reality, these skills need to be explicitly taught. Many of us were not taught how to handle our big feelings; we relied on instinctual responses. We buried, exploded, self-harmed, or ignored our emotions. Because these maladaptive responses have become normalized, the idea that educators should also teach these skills seems outlandish and beyond their scope. However, I assure you, it is not.

If you have a student who throws something when they become dysregulated, they need support in self-regulation. If you have a child who argues daily on the playground with peers, they need support in conflict resolution. If you have a student who has difficulty sharing station tools or toys, they need support in building social awareness. If you have a student who struggles to take accountability or responsibility, they need skill-building around self-reflection/self-awareness. Behavior is communication. Behavior results from an unmet need or an underdeveloped skill. Social emotional learning (SEL) is the vehicle through which to teach these skills.

Educators who resist reframing how they view behavior may do so out of concern for not having a solution or not knowing what to do. Helping other educators understand that teaching SEL is the same as teaching a math or reading skill can alleviate the feeling of being overwhelmed by the perceived grandiosity of the task. By integrating SEL into the curriculum, we can provide students with the necessary tools to manage their emotions, build relationships, and make responsible decisions, ultimately fostering a more supportive and effective educational environment.

How do you know what to teach?

While there are developed curricula available, you don’t necessarily need to use one. What’s essential is identifying the specific skill you want to build and focusing on it. I start, as most educators do, with the routines or rules of the classroom. Incorporating student voice into establishing these rules is an example of SEL in action.

The SEL skill I choose to focus on is based on the needs I observe in my students, which can vary significantly from year to year. For example, in years when I have many students struggling with self-regulation, I provide extra and early instruction around replacement behaviors, utilizing a break space and/or tools, mindfulness techniques, and similar strategies. In other years, if I notice heightened arguing and blaming between students, I may start with direct instruction on conflict resolution, teamwork, and helping students build connections. 

As with any aspect of teaching, assessing student needs is the first step in creating an effective plan. By paying close attention to their behavior and identifying the areas where they need the most support, you can tailor your SEL instruction to meet those needs effectively.

When do you teach SEL?

SEL can be a stand-alone instructional subject, but it also can and should be woven into the fabric of the classroom. You can incorporate multiple dosing opportunities, for example, during circle time, community time, or group check-ins, along with more in-depth lessons that include engaging activities.

It’s essential to connect a script with a skill. For example, when teaching about a growth mindset, I use the analogy of “bubble gum brain” to symbolize flexible thinking. Using that imagery, I incorporate the script and prompt before starting an activity: “This is a new reading rule. It can be tricky to learn new reading rules. What kind of brain do you think we need for this activity? Our bubble gum brain or our brick brain?” (see authors note)

I have established “community skills” time and then weave in and reinforce that taught skill throughout our days. Consistency is the crucial aspect. Many educators make the mistake of having a few SEL lessons here and there that are primarily conversational without an attached activity to connect learning or an attached script or routine that becomes part of the classroom culture. Regular, consistent integration of SEL skills into everyday activities and classroom routines helps solidify these skills and makes them a natural part of students’ interactions and behaviors.

Building classroom culture 

Building an inclusive and trauma-informed classroom community demands thoughtful awareness on your part as an educator. Embracing the idea that behavior is communication is critical. If you notice behaviors that are impacting access to learning, you must build skills in that area with intention.

Students can be categorized broadly into those who follow the rules and those who follow people. Very often, students with challenging behaviors are people followers. Recognizing this can help you shift your perspective. If you have a non-compliant student who is argumentative or challenging, you probably have a people follower. If that behavior is met with an increased demand for compliance or “respect,” you will likely see escalated behavior.

Committing to knowing, understanding, and seeing these students is crucial for building trust. This trust can lead to a long-term decrease in problematic behaviors. Although progress might not always happen as quickly as we would like, understanding this dynamic can reduce feelings of rejection and defensiveness when dealing with students who may seem like they “just don’t like you.”

Fostering this trust and understanding involves actively engaging with students, showing empathy, and being patient. Over time, these efforts contribute to a classroom culture where all students feel valued, understood, and supported, paving the way for better learning outcomes and a more positive classroom environment. Modeling this is SEL. 

Is it our job to teach SEL?

This is a sentiment I continue to hear. The short answer is yes. The longer response is layered. Our job as teachers is to teach our students the skills they need to be successful in life. I don’t know many teachers who would say, “I don’t care if my students succeed in life.” So why, then, is there resistance to teaching them the very skills they need?

We can lament that it is only the job of parents to teach kids these essential life skills, but kids need multiple safe adults who are helping guide them. I personally will not abdicate my responsibility in that. School is a community resource. Therefore, schools need to shift and adjust so that they can best serve the children in that community.

One does not have to be a counselor or mental health professional. You have to be committed to building a safe and inclusive classroom where you are guiding your students in building skills in all varying areas. Teaching SEL is an integral part of preparing students for life beyond academics. By fostering social-emotional competencies, we help students navigate challenges, build healthy relationships, and develop resilience. This comprehensive approach to education ensures that students are well-equipped to succeed not just academically but also socially and emotionally.

SEL helps students and teachers alike. Integrating SEL into your classroom culture requires intentional commitment. Initially, teaching SEL may feel like just another obligatory activity in the day. However, by the end of the year, you will notice the strong community and attachment you have built through it. This foundation of trust and understanding not only enhances students’ social-emotional skills but also fosters a supportive and connected classroom environment, benefiting everyone involved.

Author Note

In this article, I used imagery to teach students about having a growth mindset, using a “bubble gum” brain to represent flexible thinking and a “brick brain” for inflexible thinking. This analogy helps children navigate learning challenges and mistakes. However, I understand concerns about the term “brick brain” due to historical pressures to mask and assimilate. It’s important to clarify that this analogy is about approaches to problem-solving, not different types of brains. The prompt should always be used proactively, never negatively. SEL helps build co-regulation, self-regulation, conflict resolution, and problem-solving skills. It also involves teaching children about brain diversity and openly discussing disabilities and individual differences. The article is intended to highlight the benefits of SEL, which are crucial skills many of us were not taught growing up. My goal is to help students develop these essential life skills and to potentially adapt any teaching strategies based on dialogue and self-reflection.