My son started Early Childhood when he was four years old. The teacher was great. I loved her.

Then came 4K. Again, the teacher seemed great. There were some difficulties, but the staff was trying their best. Then came 5K. That was the year I learned that you don’t get what you don’t fight for. My son was moved from the general education classroom to a smaller special education classroom because the general education classroom was overstimulating. They declined to tell me exactly what this move would mean. In hindsight, I would not have agreed had I known.

When he moved to the special education classroom, they were apparently no longer required to give my son a 1:1 person with him 100% of the time in that room. Only in the general ed classroom, and that was not made clear to me. The omission felt like a lie. What’s worse is that he needed a 1:1 person with him at all times for safety reasons. Having known my child for two years at that point, they should have known that. Or they did know that and did it anyway. 

My son stopped talking completely. He had selective mutism, which was caused by severe anxiety.

That lasted about half the school year. He only began talking again because we started him on a medication. His new special education teacher was injured around Thanksgiving and was gone for much of the rest of the year. Twenty-some-odd days, they didn’t even have a substitute teacher, just paraprofessionals. Like it was a daycare or something, meanwhile, my son was extremely emotionally dysregulated most days. I felt like it was my fault. They made me feel like it was my fault. Even though his behaviors at school differed completely from his behaviors at home, there were many days I had to keep him home from school just because they didn’t have the school staff that was appropriate for him; it would have been negligent to send him.

I didn’t know then, like I do now, just how bad it was. I found out much later that school staff were using seclusion or restraint on my son multiple times a week. I had no clue.

Legally, I should have been told. The school reported ZERO incidents of seclusion or restraint for that school year.

Eventually, I hired an advocate and realized I needed to educate myself and fight for my son’s needs. In the Spring of his 5K year, I called an IEP meeting, and we got him the 1:1 paraprofessional he desperately needed. During that IEP meeting, the current district director of pupil services and special education told me they would have to take that paraprofessional from another student who needed it for learning. Because my son needed it for safety, that lit a fire in my heart to advocate for all the children in my son’s school. And I wouldn’t let them guilt me into not fighting for my son’s needs. The last couple of months of that school year went well, or better, I should say. His special education teacher was back; she was wonderful. His 1:1 paraprofessional was wonderful. He met and exceeded all of his IEP goals. We finished the school year, hopeful of what would come in first grade.

First grade was this last school year (2023–2024). My son’s general education teacher was awesome. He began by going to both the general education classroom and the special education classroom he was in the year prior. We had the same special education teacher until we didn’t. 

His special education teacher had to leave for medical reasons. The district didn’t tell any of her students’ parents right away. One Friday, I received a phone call after they found out what the teacher had told me earlier that morning in a meeting. I couldn’t believe that they would do that at the time. My son has complex medical needs, and there is vitally important information that needs to be shared by the staff that work with him. To think of the serious complications that could have arisen from this makes me feel very angry. They claimed they wanted to wait until they had a plan in place; at least, they had a substitute teacher this time. 

Eventually, they hired a new special education teacher. She seemed good at first. A lot has happened since then. We had an IEP meeting to discuss compensatory services for last school year. The director of pupil services and special education and my advocate spent time arguing during the meeting. Things were tense. The meeting was rushed, and my advocate was fighting for me to be able to give input. After the meeting, I had more time to think things through. What should have been a healthy discussion was not. I found out later from my son’s paraprofessional that the IEP team was told to talk as little as possible during the meeting. I decided to decline said services because cramming more services into my anxious son’s already busy day was a terrible idea. Things were already not working well for him. 

Since then, they have rarely been able to keep my son emotionally regulated for long at school. My son and the new special education teacher weren’t able to connect well. She didn’t have a lot of experience. My son was in the ER four times this school year for a medical issue that is exacerbated by stress. His nervous system became so sensitive he would go into fight or flight very easily. The district didn’t offer me any good options. They wouldn’t let him have another special education teacher at the school. The only other option they gave me was a virtual school for special needs children, and that was not an appropriate option for him. It was not feasible.

I could no longer sit there and watch my son’s health decline. It wasn’t just about an education anymore, which he wasn’t getting. After doing a lot of research, we decided to homeschool him for now.

Our school district motto is “Every Student, Every Day.” This shouldn’t be a “lofty” goal. It’s an equitable one. 

There are a lot of great things about our district. But until they give the resources that their special education students with IEPs need, they’re making a mockery of themselves. The fact is that unless a special education parent reads up and becomes an expert in their child’s diagnosis (or diagnoses) as well as special education law and advocacy, their child will get the bare minimum of what they are required to give them even if it means the child struggles or suffers emotionally (or physically as well, in my son’s case). A child with unique needs here, if left without a lot of parental input, will not be able to reach their fullest potential. 

It’s like a full-time job. What parents have time for yet another full-time job? Especially if your kid has a disability. Or you have more than one kid with a disability!

This is a systemic issue. I can’t count the number of parents I have heard of with similar stories or the number of homeschooling parents who have said that school was “not a good fit” for their child (or children).

Had I not been a strong advocate for my son, he would have continued to suffer. He would not have learned anything at all because the administration and staff don’t have enough training that they know how to teach him. And the powers that be don’t put in the money and effort to try. He would have ended up hospitalized or possibly dead. You think this sounds like I’m reaching and going too far here; I’m not.

I can’t even count how many times they have used seclusion and restraint on my son. This is supposed to be a last resort. They’re supposed to put effective, proactive behavioral interventions in place before it gets that far. My son had an FBA (Functional Behavior Assessment) with a BIP (Behavior Intervention Plan). However, that wasn’t completed until the END of his 5K school year! And it didn’t work. They had hired an autism consultant and my son does not have an autism diagnosis!