The book, Being Twice-Exceptional, by Dr. Melanie Hayes, is, in the author’s own words, a form of activism. While the book focuses on the lived experiences of the 2eA community (individuals who are considered both gifted and autistic), the author’s advice is relevant to the twice-exceptional community as a whole. A champion of the twice-exceptional, she states that her goal for the book is to create further understanding and support for the neurodivergent community.
It is important to note that Dr. Hayes provides a content warning disclaimer, explaining that the book describes situations and experiences of past institutional abuses that harmed marginalized neurodivergent people.
She shares the understanding that receiving a diagnosis of autism often validates the lived experiences and offers relief to many on the spectrum. As a neurodivergent person herself, she shares how she often was forced to mask in order to fit in with her environment, and illustrates how emotionally taxing this can be for so many. It is refreshing to read her acknowledge her position of privilege as an educated, white, middle-class, cisgender woman, and nod to those who are neurodivergent and also part of other marginalized communities.
Dr. Hayes emphasizes the profound importance of the language that we use when identifying these historically marginalized communities. While the topic is of hot debate, Dr. Hayes explains that she will use both person-first and identity-first language throughout the book, as a way to honor the different ways people prefer to be labeled, which she views as a crucial form of respect.
A particularly powerful section of her book that many parents of twice-exceptional children will likely relate to discusses the public school experience. Dr. Hayes explains that a public school experience can often lead to forms of trauma for the twice-exceptional student, as these children often find themselves in chronic states of fight or flight. She reiterates and references Dr. Ross Greene’s belief and approach that all behavior is a form of communication, and emphasizes that it is the job of the adults in the room to discover what the unmet needs of the child are and how to appropriately meet those needs.
She feels strongly that treatments should focus more on finding ways for the environment to work for the person, rather than forcing the person to change to meet the requirements of the environment. Because of the unique needs of many twice-exceptional learners, she argues that professionals, who receive little to no training in supporting the complex needs of twice-exceptional learners, often tell parents that the child, or the way they parent the child, is the root of the problem. Dr. Hayes implores readers that we must build a society that recognizes the value of all people, and to imagine a world in which schools would adjust to the needs of each child when they first walk into a classroom.
In Part Two of her book, Dr. Hayes shares stories that describe what the lived experience of being 2eA in a neurotypical world is like. She provides practical advice for both parents of 2eA children and young 2eA adults in matters such as school, college, career, homekeeping, personal care, sex, and relationships.
Regarding advice for parents, two of her points stick out:
- To support your child’s interests and
- To advocate and support your child when no one else does.
She explains that for a neurodivergent child, knowing that your parents are your strongest ally is the greatest protective factor you can give them.
Her work is indeed a powerful piece of activism for both the 2eA audience for which it was intended and also for the neurodivergent community as a whole. Those of us within the neurodivergent community are indebted to advocates such as Dr. Hayes, who are helping to campaign for a more egalitarian society in which everyone has a voice.
