I don’t remember when it began to annoy me. Perhaps it was seeing one too many videos of a child opening a present only to be disappointed by its contents while the adults in the room laughed. Or maybe it was going to the comment section of those videos and seeing a slew of comments calling the child everything from bad to spoiled to ungrateful. Maybe it’s the comments that say the child needs to learn how to take a joke or control their emotions. I see it in videos of children not getting the gaming system they wanted, and I see it in videos when, especially preteen girls this year, are getting the highly coveted Stanley Tumbler.
Adults who do not know the situation call these kids out for their behaviors and label them bratty. But have they never wanted something so bad only to be disappointed on Christmas morning not to have gotten that gift? Often, adults have too high of standards for the behaviors of those not even in their 20s. They expect eight and ten-year-olds to have the same emotional maturity and regulation as they do without realizing a child’s brain is just not there yet.
The holidays are already an exhausting yet highly festive time of the year. Children have school programs, family commitments, religious commitments, and even more stimulation thrown at family events. For some, Christmas and the winter holidays are an over-stimulating nightmare, and opening gifts with the idea of being grateful only puts more pressure on them. And this is for the kids who are not neurodivergent. Those kids who may have ADHD or Autism are thrown into more of a whirlwind as schedules are thrown off, loud noises and bright lights fill their senses, and they are around way too many people at once. Simply put, the Christmas and winter holidays are overwhelming for all children.
As adults, we need to do better. We need to allow children to express their emotions about their gifts in a safe place. Then, we need to have conversations with them. Maybe a child wanted the PS5, but the price tag was too much for a parent, so they got the Nintendo Switch instead. The child is upset, but after calming down, you tell the child why they got the Switch instead of the PS5. Children are far smarter and more understanding than we give them credit for.
Emotional regulation is not something that just happens as a child gets older; it needs to be taught through actions, conversations, and coping skills. Instead of laughing or calling a child ungrateful when they are upset by a gift, having conversations and being willing to listen to that child will do more to teach a child about being grateful than labeling them. We need to allow children to express their emotions if we want them to learn healthy emotional regulation.
Finally, stop putting these moments on the internet for everyone to see. Even if you delete the video, everything on the internet is permanent. Your children’s worst moments do not need to be displayed for the world to see. They do not need to be judged by strangers who know nothing about them or you. Children are not there to provide likes or social media fame for you because you think the video is funny or extreme enough to go viral. Your children and their emotions deserve privacy, not judgment.
