We have come to realize that bullying is trauma. And many who are bullied or have been bullied have symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Bullying can come from peers, but it can also come from a number of other sources, such as aids, teachers, and even the parents of peers. There are countless stories of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) being repeatedly bullied. Sadly, if a child is going through the school system with an intellectual or developmental disability, we can assume that they have endured some degree of trauma.
So, the crucial question becomes how to facilitate healing and how to facilitate that healing in a way that builds resiliency.
Resiliency alone is not a realistic goal; there must be a healing process for true resiliency to take hold.
Positive identity or a sense of self is so critical for all humans, in particular for those who have been called the “R” word, for those who have been the victim of ableism, for those who have been discriminated against in any significant manner. To have a solid sense of “who I am” and self-acceptance is key to both enduring these storms as well as healing from them.
How can that sense of self or identity be fostered? How can self-acceptance be engendered?
First of all, no one should be identified by their worst action on their worst day. And yet, this is often how children, adolescents, and adults with IDD are identified. They are the “behavior problem.” Negative comments about their identity are often made in front of them in reference to behavioral issues. In her YouTube video “See Us Hear Us,” Jordyn Zimmerman talks about not being given assistive technology for communication because her behaviors were deemed “too extreme” by the educators who spoke negatively about these behaviors in front of her. Non-speaking, she describes having behavioral issues because of her frustrations at being misunderstood and unable to communicate. And yet, she was labeled as a “behavior problem.”
Building up a sense of self means listening and supporting. Not ‘catching them being good” but praising character and communicating clearly to youth that they are good, and important and worthwhile, as valuable as they are. This is an entirely different message than is often given. This is a message of respect that can be communicated in a myriad of ways. There are a number of workbooks to support someone in building a positive sense of self that are free to download on karynharvey.org. Most importantly, to talk to youth and adults with IDD about their strengths and attributes, to hold up a mirror every day that shows them their best self, and to facilitate new and engaging activities so that those people can see themselves in a number of different lights are all critically important.
Stigmatizing youth by their worst reactions on their worst day causes shame, humiliation, and a negative sense of self. And no one deserves that. Even worse, it creates a never-ending self-fulfilling prophecy of defeat based on the identity of being a “problem.” The examples are endless. Everyone deserves a bright and hopeful view of self. It is a human right.
