It is common to associate discipline with punishment, for some, that includes spanking, beating, and other severe forms of what is now considered abuse. I know that some claim they are “okay” even after experiencing these practices. However, I have yet to see any credible evidence that disproves my belief that they did little more than gain immediate control while causing long-term harm to the recipient.

As a pastor, I witnessed adults still carrying their trauma and repeating cycles of cruelty, even when everyone involved had good intentions. From their holy books, they gained the authority to promote violent and aggressive practices, hoping these would somehow lead to compliance and obedience. Although these practices might have resulted in immediate submission, we can now see their lasting negative effects and understand the need for a better approach.

Much of this behaviorism and misplaced aggression is often linked to our religions and holy books, as we picture a retributive God. So, I thought it might be helpful to examine one of the latest parts of the New Testament in the Bible and see what is meant by discipline. By understanding the language used in this part of the Christian holy book, we might better grasp its concept of discipline. I no longer follow the Bible as I once did, but some people still do. 

The most common reference to discipline in the New Testament is Hebrews 12. This chapter talks about discipline as a form of love. The writer uses the Greek word, paideia, in several forms at least six times, while it only uses mastigoi (chasten) once. Your translation influences the English words used, but paideia, according to BibleHub.com, literally means “to instruct by training.” It eventually leads to the English term pedagogy, which, according to Merriam-Webster, means “the art, science, or profession of teaching” or “the method and practice of teaching” from Oxford.

It is very easy to use proof texts to justify almost anything, including corporal punishment and even murder. But trauma-informed research and neuroscience continue to guide us toward disciplining, teaching, and walking alongside others instead of forcing compliance through violence. Seclusion, violence, and restraint are replaced by the more complex work of building relationships, regulating our nervous systems, and helping developing humans navigate the modern world. 

Remember that it’s almost impossible for a dysregulated adult to regulate a dysregulated child.

So, although the path is becoming clearer, there’s still a lot of work to do, especially for caregivers. 

What’s Wrong with Punishment?

According to the World Health Organization, corporal punishment is defined as “any punishment in which physical force is used and intended to cause some degree of pain or discomfort.” They continue to say, A large body of research shows links between corporal punishment and a wide range of negative outcomes, both immediate and long-term, including:

• direct physical harm, sometimes resulting in severe damage, long-term disability, or death;
• mental ill-health, including behavioural and anxiety disorders, depression, hopelessness, low self-esteem, self-harm and suicide attempts, alcohol and drug dependency, hostility and emotional instability, which continue into adulthood;
• impaired cognitive and socio-emotional development, specifically emotion regulation and conflict-solving skills;
• damage to education, including school dropout and lower academic and occupational success;
• poor moral internalization and increased antisocial behaviour;
• increased aggression in children;
• adult perpetration of violent, antisocial, and criminal behaviour;
• indirect physical harm due to overloaded biological systems, including developing cancer, alcohol-related problems, migraine, cardiovascular disease, arthritis, and obesity that continue into adulthood;
• increased acceptance and use of other forms of violence; and
• damaged family relationships.

It might seem strange that we use such outdated and harmful practices. But we’ve been doing them for a long time, and we are deeply conditioned to accept them because they produce immediate results and align with what we’ve been taught as appropriate.

Our instinct for retribution and our misunderstanding of justice undermine rational and more informed choices.

To be honest, most of our use of punishment happens when we are emotionally upset and not thinking clearly. We might regret our actions later when everyone is calm and the child obeys, but something inside us yearns for a better way.

A Better Way

First of all, it’s essential to understand that much of our “misbehavior” comes from past trauma and our difficulty in regulating ourselves when we feel threatened. The child who is “misbehaving” may want to follow rules but might not be able to while they are in survival mode. It relates to discipline (teaching) and recognizing that someone needs to walk with them and guide them. An angry, dysregulated teacher, parent, or caregiver has very little to offer the child besides more trauma. Therefore, we as adults must first focus on improving ourselves.

Trauma-informed practices, on the other hand, emphasize safety, empowerment, and resilience. According to the American School Counselor Association, there are valuable alternatives to punitive practices. School counselors collaborate with families, educators, and community partners to build healthy relationships between students and adults. While school counselors do not carry out disciplinary practices, they are aware that alternatives to corporal punishment exist and include:

• Implementing behavioral contracts to support self-regulation and accountability
• Establishing clear and consistent expectations with logical consequences for misconduct
• Facilitating conferences with students, families, and staff to address underlying issues
• Encouraging pro-social behaviors through restorative practices, skills-based learning in mediation, and conflict resolution
• Promoting emotional regulation and mindfulness practices to support student well-being
• Connecting families with parenting programs that encourage positive reinforcement and effective discipline

Our old practices may deliver quick results, but they also promote antisocial behavior and harm the students and children we seek to influence.

Understanding that most behavior is communication is part of the equation, which I plan to discuss in another episode. From birth, we recognize that our actions aim to convey our needs, hoping a caregiver will interpret them. Discovering what lies beneath the outward expression might be one of the most important challenges we encounter. When the inner child is heard, understood, and cared for, we foster healthy growth in those we care about most.

So, the best question is probably “What is beneath their behavior?” When we help them discover it, they can then integrate it and move forward because they learn to meet their own needs and grow toward maturity. Ultimately, we don’t naturally move out of trauma and dysfunction. Someone has to teach us (paideia).

I encourage you to become trauma-informed and teach it to your neighbor!

Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace!