Every child deserves to feel safe in their body. Every early educator wants to be someone a child can trust. If we truly want to build environments rooted in care, we have to be willing to pause, reflect, and make changes.
There are amazing, wonderful things happening in early childhood education (ECE) settings every day. I love being part of this field. But just as it’s true that ECE professionals don’t get enough recognition, it’s also true that there are issues within our field that we don’t talk about enough.
This is one of them.
This is an invitation for early childhood educators to reflect on their current practices and make changes as needed. This isn’t about shaming teachers.
It’s about acknowledging harm because we don’t get anywhere by refusing to talk about the harm that happens in our classrooms or centers.
Early childhood education involves a lot of necessary, nurturing physical touch. We hug children, we wipe their noses, we help with dressing, we work on toileting, we hold hands, we carry, we high five, we gently pat. It’s all part of the routine.
But I often wonder: has the routine made us forget what a big deal touch really is?
Because I’ve seen more and more moments treated as “just part of the routine,” even when they are uncomfortable, intrusive, or harmful.
When teachers are in a rush, diapering and toileting become fast and ungentle.
When teachers are required to get half their students +1 to sleep in order to meet ratio requirements and leave for their lunch breaks, they sometimes end up holding children onto their cots.
When children are required to sit while chewing their food, teachers physically force the children to sit and then push their chairs in, keeping their hands on the back of the child’s chair so they can’t get back up again.
When working on fine motor skills or proper handwashing techniques, teachers automatically use hand-over-hand instruction without trying other teaching methods.
When children take their shoes off in class, teachers hold them while forcing the shoes back on their feet. Claiming that they can’t allow children to be shoeless due to fears of receiving a licensing violation, when in reality, our state licensing doesn’t say anything about shoes.
When trying to support (or, honestly, force) the use of mouthwords, teachers hold children down in their laps, wrap their arms around them, and tell them they won’t let go until they say what center they want to go to or what toy they want to play with.
In more extreme cases, when disciplining children, a teacher might grab a student by the arm or by the collar of their shirt, while another teacher barely bats an eye and definitely doesn’t report this incident to the Preschool Director.
In these ways, touch becomes so normalized that even clear examples of restraint aren’t recognized as such. They’re seen as routine or just a normal part of the job.
But are they normal?
Do they feel normal to children?
No. Children don’t feel safe. Children don’t feel connected to their teachers.
And this can show up in their behaviors.
And teachers might respond to these behaviors with even more touch that solidifies the child’s feelings of unsafety and disconnection.
We need to talk honestly about what’s happening in our classrooms. The good and the bad. We need to recognize when we’re part of the problem, and then we need to move towards solutions.
These actions rarely happen because teachers don’t care. They often happen because of systems, pressure, and habit.
This work isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being accountable to the children in our care. It’s up to us to pause and ask ourselves: are our actions reflecting the kind of relationships we want to have with children?
When we know better, we do better, not out of guilt, but out of a deep commitment to creating safer, more loving learning environments.
We can start by reflecting on each time touch is used in our classrooms.
When is touch used? How is it used? Why is it used? Is it necessary? Is it respectful? Is it caring? Is it supportive? Is it controlling? Is it punitive?
Do we seek consent before? Have we created space for children’s boundaries and autonomy?
What can children’s verbal and nonverbal cues tell us about how they feel when touched?
Do we know when we’ve crossed a line? What do we do when we notice a coworker crossing a line?
We can also start by learning about the negative impact that restraint and other coercive approaches have on children and what to do instead. The Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint is here to help, offering Book Studies, Study Groups, Virtual Training, and even a free Live Series available on multiple platforms.
